Thursday, June 30, 2011
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
When I was young I asked myself.. what would I like to be when I grow up. I said to myself... "maybe I could be a successful business woman someday just like my father". But then again I said .. "Nope I don't want to be a business woman. I want to be a lawyer, so I could help those oppressed people who can't afford to have a lawyer... yeah that's it!" But it didn't turned out that way, cause here I am right now, finished with my business course, Hotel and Restaurant Management. Funny isn't it? No matter how hard we tried to follow our dreams ...DESTINY steps in. Just like in a relationship. No matter how hard we try to make things work out with our dear loved one, there will still be struggles, sadness and selfish expectations. But please don't get me wrong. Right now I am in a good relationship to a guy who loves me so much and likewise. We may have good times and bad times together but it's all part of a relationship. But lately uncertainties is eating me up. And this is becoming unfair to him. Sometimes though he won't say it, I know and I can feel that I'm beginning to piss him off. But he won't say it directly. The last time we had a fight he said that, " lately we are having arguments over jealousy and may I add, small petty reasons on your side." And that makes him sad cause he is doing the best that he can to make our relationship lasts. Even when he is sick, he tries his best to communicate with me but he felt that I don't appreciate his effort and he thinks that he is no longer needed in the relationship. Whenever I ask him," if you are no longer happy with me, then what do you want now? " and all he would say.. "I want you to stay with me, for the rest of my life." With those words, my heart melt, cause after all the way I treated him, he is still in love with me. And I also love him with my dear life. And no wonder, if I won't change my ways ( jealous over nothing, just pure uncertainties), I may regret of losing him. And I would really blame myself for it. And when that day comes ... I don't know what would become of me, cause he is my life now and my everything.
Sunday, June 19, 2011
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Monday, June 13, 2011
Saturday, June 11, 2011
Friday, June 10, 2011
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Love...
He asked if he could kiss me when he heard I'd never had the experience. I asked him why. He'd also heard I had no interest in it. He leaned closer to me, trapping my eyes with his, and said he'd be honored to be my first.Someone has to be my first, a voice whispered in my head. Why not him? It wasn't like he was just anybody, after all. It was him, and he had always been special. He was being special right now in the way he was in my space, in the way he had me transfixed, in the way my breath had changed to something more swift and shallow. He was being special in the way he was closing the distance between us, and I was ready to voice my objections -- how dare he presume my answer to be yes? -- when something in my mind decided to inform me smugly that I had already nodded my head in affirmation. When had that happened? It hardly mattered. It had, so nothing to do but go with it. I'd never done this before, but logic told me that if he had his lips parted slightly, then maybe I ought to part mine as well. His eyes flicked over the features of my face, and I found myself echoing the action, tracing the smooth line of his jaw, noting each faint freckle across the bridge of his nose, falling into his deep, soft eyes. What was a kiss, really? I'd never been interested in pressing my lips to another's. The idea didn't discomfit me, so I had allowed this, but I had worried if my head would be disengaged from the action. Not in that I feared my heart would take over, but in that my head would impatiently observe the proceedings, thinking, 'Whoopee. Are we finished yet? I've got other things to do.' I was wrong. I was so very wrong. At that moment, there was nothing else I would rather have been doing. A kiss was more than just brushing lips with another. I hadn't accounted for the way he filled my personal space, bringing a feeling of intimacy from the utter rarity that I would let anyone so close, and not just to my mouth. We weren't touching, but I could feel him as an almost tangible presence from my shoulders all the way down to my shins. I hadn't expected that I would feel his warm breath sliding gently across my skin, that in breathing we would be sharing our air. Logically, his fingers were probably cooler than the skin of my cheek, but it seemed they sent a tingle of heat through me and down my spine. My lips became suddenly sensitized. They didn't respond in any remarkable way when I ate, drank, brushed my teeth, but now, now they felt the kiss before it even came. Actual contact was just that much more. They were just lips, but I became acutely aware of the person behind them. We no longer shared breath, but everything we had between us, powerful enough that it left no room for air. Our parted mouths lingered in quiet, innocent communion before his puckered closed, bringing mine with his to the accompaniment of a soft, moist sound that struck some deep, instinctive chord within me. Cool, empty air once again intruded between us. My lips parted again immediately thereafter as if to rewind, the abandonment creating a sudden vacuum I was pulled forth to fill, but alas, my first kiss had technically come to an end. It didn't feel like it. As bereft as I felt with the loss of his lips against mine, I still felt him. His fingers slid slowly off my cheek, and though that decreased the sensation, it took its sweet time in fading away completely. It was like a string stretching between us, growing thinner as the distance grew until it finally lost its cohesive tension despite all its efforts. My timesense told me only a few seconds had passed. How was that possible? There was a lot more to this whole kissing thing than I'd thought if it had even the power of time dilation. I'd already been proven wrong in finding that it was more than just a brushing of lips; it was a full body affair. He smiled as he pulled away. I found one of my hands had risen to touch his hip during the experience. Excellent. There was less ground for it to cover now as I commanded it to slide up and snag his shirt. Halted in his departure, his expression was just sliding into a question when I informed him breathlessly that I would be so very honored if he were to be my second, as well. And I continued to be honored as he graced me with my next, my last, and every one in between. |
My Midnight Fantasy
-
divert me
i need something else
to keep these hands busy
so they stop imagining touching you
these eyes need something new to see
so they stop envisioning your face
this heart needs to be filled
filled with something else cause it feels so empty now
i miss you every night, everyday
i feel it build, this pressure
i ache, and i wait
and i dream our dreams
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
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